In my last blog post, I described the "resilience well" and how we may find ourselves "on empty". I said that the well is refillable.
The bad news is, that once it gets near empty, it takes a long time to refill - it is a slow process at the best of times. The best thing is to never let it get even close to empty in the first place. But making sure it stays mostly filled, and keeping the revenue and expenditure of resilience relatively balanced and stable, is a commitment to make to yourself and keep.
How Does the Resilience Well get Filled?
The essence of what fills your resilience well is: "Joyful Activity". Activities which bring you personal joy, contentment, peace, and happiness. For everyone, the list of what activities do this for you will likely be different. For me, it has been some of the following things:
1. sitting and thinking, with no interruptions or distractions
2. having "nothing to do"
3. paddling in my kayak with or without company
4. riding on a bicycle going nowhere in a hurry
5. reading - especially fiction, adventure stories
6. traveling through the Internet looking at good news stories, humourous memes and videos
7. cross-country skiing, making my own trail, on a quiet day in the woods, even at night
8. camping
9. watching (and sometimes re-watching) action movies and especially series and epics
I think you can see where I take my resilience back. Your list will be different. Start now, "refilling your resilience well". Put a piece of paper up on your fridge - every time you think of something you have once enjoyed, now enjoy, or might enjoy in future, put it on your list. This list is both a prompt and a reminder to take time out of your "responsible" day and take some "me time".
Monday, 27 March 2017
Monday, 20 March 2017
Resilience Well Depletion - Part 1
"Resilience Well Depletion"
In this, and my next several blogs, I will be explaining my understanding of, and treatment for, "resilience well depletion".
I see this phenomenon in mothers of children with special needs; policemen; teachers; nurses; daycare providers; child protection workers; paramedics; personal support workers and care staff of all kinds in nursing homes; in fact, first responders and service people in human services of all kinds. These are where the risk is highest - but of course, "resilience well depletion" can be found in anybody where "demand on the person" has totally, and seemingly permanently exceeded, "supply of the person".
I have suffered from this myself, in fact, during my 30s - and promised myself then I would never again allow myself to let my "well get low", by ensuring I paced myself and took better care of myself from that point on. (So far) I have kept my promise to myself.
As I have seen more and more people in my practice with "resilience well depletion" I have honed my understanding and my explanation of it to people suffering from it. So now I think it is high time to write it down and make it more accessible to others.
What IS "Resilience Well Depletion"?
Imagine we have a cone-shaped well within us that is normally filled to the brim with a liquid I will call "resilience". Imagine further that the cone is marked in thirds, with the bottom third coloured red, the middle third coloured yellow, and the top third coloured green (see the picture below):
When the well is filled to the brim, there is maximum resilience available. There is also a (more or less) balance between resilience being lost (spent) and resilience being received (earned). Every day, imagine your psyche climbing the ladder to the top, and filling a large container with resilience. Then, your psyche climbs back down the ladder and goes off into life, using the container to pour out resilience on life's many challenges. Some challenges take little dabs of resilience, like scheduling appointments and completing chores. Some challenges take large amounts, like coping with a difficult boss, moving, grieving the loss of someone important to you, or coping with a medical diagnosis. All challenges, great and small, use up resilience. When your container is empty, up the ladder you go (which also spends resilience) to get some more. When you get to the top your psyche looks out on the great expanse of resilience, imagining it to be an essentially limitless supply.
But you notice from the picture, as you look toward the bottom of the cone-shaped well of resilience, the overall volume of available resilience is dramatically less the lower you go. If you continue, over a long period of time, to "spend" more resilience than you "earn back", your resilience supply will begin to drain. And the drain will accelerate. This "acceleration" of loss is not really understandable from your psyche's view. The rapidly decreasing amount of resilience is hidden from your psyche's top-down view and its ability to predict how much is left is skewed in favour of mistakenly thinking there is more than there actually is. Add in "denial" and "self-sacrifice" and your psyche will simply behave as if there is a "limitless supply". So your psyche does what it has always done, scoops up a container and heads back up and down the ladder, essentially blind to the increasingly fast loss of resilience as time goes on.
If you don't replenish the well, the level of resilience falls, faster and faster, until you're in the yellow zone. You need to get a smaller container to get resilience into, and you make more trips up and down the ladder. You begin to get more and more tired, but hey! you've been doing this for a long time and you still harbour the idea that your resilience is essentially infinite in supply. You are starting to get little "signs" that your resilience is waning, but you just keep going.
Once your resilience gets to the "red zone", however, you are now in really big trouble. Your body's survival reflexes begin to trigger on and off, seemingly to your psyche, unpredictably. You begin to wonder what's wrong with you. You find yourself unexpectedly exhausted from what used to be simple tasks and problems. Your autonomic nervous system begins to trigger on, putting you in "fight or flight" mode - where your heart races, adrenalin flows, breathing is fast and shallow, and seemingly you are unable to take a deep, relaxing breath. You suffer digestive system discomfort such as nausea, diarrhea or both. As the blood is directed by your ANS to the larger muscles, flowing away from your extremities, you may feel light-headed or faint, your hands and feet getting cold and clammy, or shaking uncontrollably. You may break into sweats and your hair stand on end, giving goose pimples on your flesh - probably your body's way of cooling yourself down in case, through running like hell or fighting, you overheat. These are all the ANS's built-in behaviours for helping you survive a predator or danger - except, looking around, you don't see any such thing. The danger, which your body may recognize and your mind may not, is that your well is in danger of running dry! Your parasympathetic nervous system may also begin to "misfire", making the same appraisal that you are under threat and need to go into survival mode. You may be "paralyzed with inaction", lose your initiative and "get up and go". You wonder if you are "losing your marbles". But that's not it - no, you are losing your resilience.
If you run yourself right down below a "safe" threshold of resilience, you might simply wake up one morning and you can't get out of bed, not even to help your child with a disability, or put on your uniform to go out and save people from themselves, or "answer the call".
In my next blog, I can tell you that there is good news. The "resilience well" is REFILLABLE. And, there is a way you can work to keep it filled, by making sure there is enough resilience flowing back into the well to make up for any deficit in resilience that has occurred over time. And the really good news is that how to earn resilience is actually FUN!
When the well is filled to the brim, there is maximum resilience available. There is also a (more or less) balance between resilience being lost (spent) and resilience being received (earned). Every day, imagine your psyche climbing the ladder to the top, and filling a large container with resilience. Then, your psyche climbs back down the ladder and goes off into life, using the container to pour out resilience on life's many challenges. Some challenges take little dabs of resilience, like scheduling appointments and completing chores. Some challenges take large amounts, like coping with a difficult boss, moving, grieving the loss of someone important to you, or coping with a medical diagnosis. All challenges, great and small, use up resilience. When your container is empty, up the ladder you go (which also spends resilience) to get some more. When you get to the top your psyche looks out on the great expanse of resilience, imagining it to be an essentially limitless supply.
But you notice from the picture, as you look toward the bottom of the cone-shaped well of resilience, the overall volume of available resilience is dramatically less the lower you go. If you continue, over a long period of time, to "spend" more resilience than you "earn back", your resilience supply will begin to drain. And the drain will accelerate. This "acceleration" of loss is not really understandable from your psyche's view. The rapidly decreasing amount of resilience is hidden from your psyche's top-down view and its ability to predict how much is left is skewed in favour of mistakenly thinking there is more than there actually is. Add in "denial" and "self-sacrifice" and your psyche will simply behave as if there is a "limitless supply". So your psyche does what it has always done, scoops up a container and heads back up and down the ladder, essentially blind to the increasingly fast loss of resilience as time goes on.
If you don't replenish the well, the level of resilience falls, faster and faster, until you're in the yellow zone. You need to get a smaller container to get resilience into, and you make more trips up and down the ladder. You begin to get more and more tired, but hey! you've been doing this for a long time and you still harbour the idea that your resilience is essentially infinite in supply. You are starting to get little "signs" that your resilience is waning, but you just keep going.
Once your resilience gets to the "red zone", however, you are now in really big trouble. Your body's survival reflexes begin to trigger on and off, seemingly to your psyche, unpredictably. You begin to wonder what's wrong with you. You find yourself unexpectedly exhausted from what used to be simple tasks and problems. Your autonomic nervous system begins to trigger on, putting you in "fight or flight" mode - where your heart races, adrenalin flows, breathing is fast and shallow, and seemingly you are unable to take a deep, relaxing breath. You suffer digestive system discomfort such as nausea, diarrhea or both. As the blood is directed by your ANS to the larger muscles, flowing away from your extremities, you may feel light-headed or faint, your hands and feet getting cold and clammy, or shaking uncontrollably. You may break into sweats and your hair stand on end, giving goose pimples on your flesh - probably your body's way of cooling yourself down in case, through running like hell or fighting, you overheat. These are all the ANS's built-in behaviours for helping you survive a predator or danger - except, looking around, you don't see any such thing. The danger, which your body may recognize and your mind may not, is that your well is in danger of running dry! Your parasympathetic nervous system may also begin to "misfire", making the same appraisal that you are under threat and need to go into survival mode. You may be "paralyzed with inaction", lose your initiative and "get up and go". You wonder if you are "losing your marbles". But that's not it - no, you are losing your resilience.
If you run yourself right down below a "safe" threshold of resilience, you might simply wake up one morning and you can't get out of bed, not even to help your child with a disability, or put on your uniform to go out and save people from themselves, or "answer the call".
In my next blog, I can tell you that there is good news. The "resilience well" is REFILLABLE. And, there is a way you can work to keep it filled, by making sure there is enough resilience flowing back into the well to make up for any deficit in resilience that has occurred over time. And the really good news is that how to earn resilience is actually FUN!
Saturday, 29 June 2013
Wednesday, 4 May 2011
Thursday, 20 January 2011
We need to understand where we all could end up
Image via WikipediaFirst, I must say I would have, in the past, skipped over this section, like I suspect many Canadians not of Jewish descent would do. Secondly, I would have to agree with Gail, that most Canadians have not been taught anything of importance about the Holocaust, or for that matter, any of the other extreme Human Rights abuses of past cultures, civilizations and modern times particularly.
Image via WikipediaAs a child, I remember the advent of TV, and I distinctly remember watching with childlike fascination the bulldozers pushing bodies into mass graves, and other footage of massive piles of bodies, these pictures no doubt taken in killing fields and in death camps in Nazi Germany. Keep in mind that I would have been just entering grade school at the time, and at 58, my memory for details (okay, it's NEVER been that good) is poor. I was unable to process the horror but it certainly has stuck in my mind, similar to the way news of John F. Kennedy's assassination and what I was doing at the time, has also stuck in my mind. I would have been just turned 11 at the time.
Image via WikipediaFrankly, I didn't get to appreciate the importance of this information until I attended a lecture by David Hingsburger who spoke of the way in which people with disAbilities were killed at, I think, either Bergen-Belsen or Buchenwald (something with a B). Am I making the point that we have not been students of the Holocaust in Canada? Dave was riveting in his descriptions of the methods that were used to "euthanize" the sick, disfigured and disabled. And how these helped the Nazis develop the methods and probably also numerous rationalizations by which Jews, Gypsies and others were destroyed in later years at death camps in Germany. I also read a powerful piece by Dick Sobsey (think it might have been in the magazine of ARCH (Advocacy Research Centre for the Handicapped, Toronto) back in the 1980's or early 1990's on how Hitler's physician was asked to examine a disAbled child to see if he should be "euthanized", back in the early 1930's. The physician agreed that he should be, and Dick makes the point that the "mercy killing" of a young disAbled child led to the Nazi killing camps which eliminated 6 million Jews.
So, because of this connection with those who I have pledged to support, and when necessary, defend, I have this connection now, in my heart and soul, with Jews and the Holocaust, indeed, with a variety of peoples who have been selected for elimination or inhumane treatment simply on the basis of some devalued characteristic, such as skin colour, religion, sexual orientation, language, gender, cultural heritage, and so on.
With the wisdom born of lived experience, I can have a greater appreciation for the dishonour done to others by ignorance, arrogance, simple-minded notions of "us" and "them", and the part of the human psyche that harbours evil.
Because of this connection, I absolutely agree with Israel Asper that "in order to understand why a country is worth having, you have to know where it came from and that the rights we enjoy today are as a result of the heroic efforts of many ordinary people who took responsibility for the advancement of our human rights..."
Dick Sobsey is a regular writer on abuse, maltreatment and death-making of people with disAbilities. Wolf Wolfensburger coined the term "death-making" in his histories of treatment of people with disAbilities. I recommend the reader to both authors for how people with disAbilities are still at risk in today's bright, well-educated societies of the West, which prides itself on being the rescuers from tyranny and extermination, as Allies during the second World War. Both remind us that the framework of laws that were used in Germany to justify the "mercy killing" of the disAbled boy, and later millions of Jews, were imported from the State of Virginia, in the United States of America.
Reports of abuse of the elderly, and various forms of euthanasia discussion, including withholding of treatment as well as assisted suicide, for those with impairments of old age, bring to mind that we are all aging and may find ourselves living with the phenomenon of being unwanted, unproductive, and unable to defend ourselves. So we shouldn't be smug about things like this. Those who don't remember their history are doomed to repeat it.
Sunday, 16 January 2011
Thursday, 25 November 2010
Picketing in front of group homes and Bill 83
Yesterday I was forwarded an email from Kory Earle, President of People First of Ontario, responding to article(s) by Jordy Cummings. One of these was in a labour publication by "The Socialist Project" called "The Bullet" (November 23, 2010).
Kory, whose thoughts and character I quite admire, had this to say in his email (in his own writing):
"Well I have never been called ''unehical'' I will not stand up to pretest to get rid of scabs, This is what the unions want, What will happen to the people in homes if we had no replacement workers? This then become a safety issue! ...It's time for the Government of Ontario to stand up and take action, People with disabilities deserve better in this province. I am committed to standing up with People First and saying NO TO PICKING IN FRONT OF PEOPLE'S HOMES!
Now, this caused me to go to the source of his concern and read the article(s). I say this in plural because the article is at least in two places - The Bulletin of The Socialist Project - as cited above; also published earlier (November 15, 2010) in
Austerity and disability: Opposing Bill 83
| NOVEMBER 15, 2010As I understand him to say, Jordy takes issue with the pending legislation (Bill 83) which would "outlaw" the picketing of group homes. It seems Mr. Cummings states the case relatively clearly in his opening paragraphs.
At that point, though, Mr. Cummings steps into it:
"On the face of it, this may seem to some people like a no-brainer. What kind of privileged goon, the bill seems to imply, would make disabled people feel unsafe? Indeed, even progressive rabble columnist John Bonnar wrote uncritically about this bill's passage, taking self-appointed representatives of the disabled at their words, even when these folks are connected with the management."
First of all, Mr. Cummings refers to some unidentified representatives as "self-appointed", and claims that they are connected with "the management". It seems, from reading John Bonnar's article, that Mr. Cummings is probably referring to representatives of Community Living Ontario (Kimberly Gavan) and The Council (Melissa Abrams), a consumer advisory body to Community Living Ontario, as if they were "management". Come on, Jordy, these folks do not run the group homes you refer to, and if you think they represent "management" then you must also feel that CUPE and OPSEU, and the other unions who represent workers in developmental services, are also "management". Not all authorities are management, Mr. Cummings. Your intolerance is showing.
Kory Earle comes across very well in being precise about what he supports and what he does not.
"Earle made it clear that he and his colleagues at Thursday’s press conference believe in the right to strike...“What we don’t believe in is the picketing in front of people’s homes,” he said. “No one should have to live like this. Having port-a-potties on their front lawn or picketers yelling and screaming on their front lawn at any time of the day or night.”
This shameful kind of behaviour that actually happened, and is not an exaggeration for political gain or to grab the media spotlight, is exactly why there is now a bill aimed at shutting down picketing in front of people's homes. Shame on unions for trading off respect for people, one of labour's most important and support-worthy principles, by elevating self-interest (worker rights, entitlements and means to address workplace inequities) over the rights of vulnerable people who trust in, and depend upon, these workers, sometimes, for their very life, and certainly most times, for the ultimate quality of their home life and security.
This was a VERY BAD CHOICE, to picket in front of group homes, and to harass "scabs" there (replacement workers) in the attempt to make one's case against underfunding, poor treatment by management of workers, or whatever other grievances there might be between organized labour and developmental services' management.
As a former member of both bargaining unit and management sides of the table, I cannot for the life of me understand what possessed union representatives to give this direction to workers. What was once a relatively sympathetic view of such workers is easily turned against them by such actions. Not a good way to curry support for one's position. And it makes management, as well as the major funders, look positively heroic as well. Not what unions typically aim for, I would say.
Mr. Cummings states: "What must be kept in mind is that any legislation that impacts the right of workers to take the type of actions that they see fit, chips away at the rights of all workers, unionized and non-unionized, not to mention the rights of the disabled to receive top-quality services from well-trained, non-scab workers." and later, " Let it be stated clearly, the capitalist state has no legitimacy to make demands upon how the working class struggles, period".This might have worked in the industrial age where the products of workers' labour were inanimate objects. It is scary that these same impassioned workers, who might be caring for me and you in hospital, nursing home or some other support program some day, may use us as cannon fodder in their war against management.
Look, Mr. Cumming, I would be happy to talk with you about a new model for ensuring that those who care for human beings are not disadvantaged by having their rights balanced (and thereby, perhaps, restricted) with the need for dignified, and respectful, care of those who are the objects of those workers' labour.
I have more sympathy for Mr. Cummings' argument when he asks: "What is a bigger threat, indeed to the well being of those with disabilities -- a couple of isolated picketline actions that can be dealt with under existing laws? Or having those with disabilities cared for by underpaid and less-skilled scab workers, part of the growing reserve army of labour who are willing to take on such jobs in a time of capitalist crisis and a new round of austerity measures."
However this is one of those "rhetorical" arguments: the choices are not actually restricted to only his two options, and in fact, picketline actions were neither only a "couple" nor were they dealt with under existing laws. But I have to agree with him that we wouldn't want people with disabilities "cared for by underpaid and less-skilled scab workers..." The unfortunate fact, however, is that SOMEBODY has to care for people who need support for their health, in some cases their very lives, and certainly, in large measure, their well-being. It is questionable to me why would allow such workers to have the right to strike. I have always seen such workers as "essential services". Binding arbitration might be preferable to having the right to strike.
Mr. Cummings goes on to say: "Let's get a few things straight -- most home care workers work just above the poverty line, and by all accounts are some of the hardest working and dedicated people one could possibly know. These aren't fat-cats on Rob Ford's gravy train. These are people who want to help other human beings, but also want to ensure that in doing so, they have some job security, a living wage and safe work conditions".
So far, I'm with him on that. It certainly does seem the case that those working with insurance papers, money lending, automobile parts manufacturing, and absolutely, those working in the oil and energy sectors, even those who work with wood, stone, brick and steel, do better, on the whole, than those who are looking after those whose lives and well-being are the product of their work.
I will support Mr. Cummings' exhortation against labour in the developmental services sector being taken advantage of by privileged classes, and a hostage media, and a neo-conservative agenda of "survival of the fittest" or similar trend such as removing the state's responsibility for vulnerable citizens, whether they be people with disabilities, seniors, or people who through no fault of their own have been marginalized by bigotry, stereotype or discrimination of any kind. We'll just have to find another way - not by giving meat-headed, angry and self-absorbed strikers free reign to make public spectacles at the expense of people whose homes they are trespassing against and whose lives they are holding hostage in order to promote attention to their various grievances. While this does not mean all strikers will act, or have acted this way, we have already seen that just a few with the so-called "right" to do so, ruin it for everybody.
Mostly, though, I go with Kory on this one. I support workers' finding all available means to exert their right to be treated fairly. It pains me that we should even have to exert this right - such should be protected and extended by our Society as a fundamental responsibility of those who have enough to get by on. Good luck waiting for that one. I will NOT support any worker's tactics which trods on the rights, well-being and sensibilities of vulnerable people in their care, no matter what is being sought. The end does NOT justify the means.
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